Is anyone ever truly ready to go into labor? I know that I absolutely was ready to hold my baby, rather than carry him in my heavy belly for any longer. The room was mostly organized, just waiting on the gender to make the last final touches. The hospital bag was packed. But was I ready to go through labor?! I remember feeling panicked knowing it was coming so soon.
We took some classes at the hospital, a 4 week class all about giving birth, a newborn baby basics class and a breastfeeding class. I have my degree in Family Consumer Science Education and currently teach high school Child Development, and have for 10 years. For goodness sakes, I teach about birth and show a live birthing video! I guess I felt ready in the aspect of knowledge. But I will tell you that when I was told to go home and get my hospital bag to have a baby that night, I didn't feel quite as ready. I was SO scared. Never would I have thought that I'd work all day, go to my routine doctor appointment and then go to the hospital at 7pm and have a baby. I guess it is part of my nature, as I'm always very apprehensive about the unknown and get really anxious when I don't know what to expect. I remember I was stone cold silent on the drive home. Nick kept asking me a million questions about how I'm feeling and I just stared straight ahead. He was fumbling with the radio, trying to put on good "labor songs" to get me mentally prepared and I didn't hear a second of music. I knew it was go time and there was no going back now!
I never would have planned to be induced, it wasn't a part of my "birth plan". Petocin scared me! But my amniotic fluid was low, something they had been monitoring for 3 weeks, and I was starting to show signs of preeclampsia. The baby was "safer outside of the womb at 39 weeks than in", are the words my doctor told me. So, off we went to drive 10 minutes home, and back again. & this time, I knew I wouldn't be leaving without a baby.
It was 8pm when they started giving me Petocin. The nurse told me that my body must have kick started into natural labor, because my contractions were every 2 1/2 minutes right from the beginning. My nurse kept changing the amount of Petocin, to allow my body to not be under so much stress. Boy, did those contractions hurt! I felt all of my labor in my legs and lower back, what my mom has always described to me as back labor. Beckett was faced with his head up, which I had been told at a previous appointment, which can contribute to this. Using a tennis ball and a small hand massager, and breathing techniques really helped me push through this terrible pain.
I didn't get the epidural until 1:30am, and at this time I was dilated to 6cm. I was so desperate for it that I was hardly scared of that super long needle that I've always heard horror stories about. It was an absolute sigh of relief. Unfortunately, when I wasn't progressing as fast as the nurse was hoping, they turned it down (I swear they turned it off) and I was back to feeling it all.. sigh...two hours later. Thankfully, at 3:30am I was fully dilated. It was time to push and I had no idea how. This is something you can't really practice! Looking back now I honestly still can't believe I made it through that. It seriously felt like a 24 mile marathon. 2.5 hours of pushing every 2 minutes for 10 seconds straight, with 2 seconds of breath in between another set of 10 seconds of pushing. & I had no idea that pushing is bearing down, with all your absolute might, with all you have in you. Nick was an integral part in the birthing experience and thank goodness for him! He kept encouraging me, he held one leg, while the nurse held the other. He did a great job coaching and made sure I wasn't giving up, because believe me, there were times I wanted to. The coolest thing that happened during pushing was when I needed to take a short break during a contraction the nurse told me to get on all fours, facing the bed. She said she talked to a nurse and this was a trick explained by a midwife that had delivered a baby recently to help the baby flip, to have his head face the correct way for birth. I didn't find out until after he was born, but he did flip! It worked! & thank goodness for a few minutes of a break. Women are amazing. We are so damn strong.
The last few pushes were kind of a blur. It really is crazy how the doctor only comes in for the last few minutes. When the baby was delivered, all I remember hearing was he was 8 lbs 1 ounce. I couldn't get over it! How did that big baby fit in my belly, that had been measuring small for months!? I swear his weight shocked me more than hearing it was a boy. My mama heart knew it was a boy all along. I have no idea how or why, but I just felt it.
Holding Beckett on my chest was just as they all say, perfection. I felt the closest to God I've ever felt. To see a blinking baby looking up at me, to feel his soft skin, I think time stood still for a bit. I'm so thankful for these first pictures and will forever be in awe as to how this little, sweet, perfect baby began as an embryo. Welcome home, baby Beckett, we had been waiting for you.
Just checked in to the hospital. Is this real life?!
The pain, oh the pain. But us women, we are strong. We have been delivering babies forever.
Looking at this picture brings me right back to this moment.
Those toes....
No comments
Post a Comment